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Staying Friends After Separation & Divorce

Although maintaining a friendship with your ex is part of popular culture now, it’s unrealistic to expect this to happen immediately.  There’s a reason you parted,  let’s keep that in mind.  There needs to be time for healing to occur after all the grieving, and there’s no telling how long that will take.  Grieving’s unpredictable like that.    And after the grieving, being friends with your ex doesn’t mean you  take on BFF status (that’s Best Friends Forever for those who aren’t familiar with the acronym).   In an effort to maintain a friendly co-existence with my ex, we continued to seek each others company regularly right from the outset.  Partly due to family commitments, sometimes purely as companionship, and a whole lot because I was still in co-dependent mode.  While I was thoroughly enjoying my new-found sense of freedom, he looked sad and lonely.  And so I continued to feel responsible for his happiness,  just as Read More

It started with an unconscious recreation of the Cinderella complex – which is an inability to distinguish fairytale from reality.

Fairytale Relationships – When ‘Loving Too Much’ is Destructive

In June of 2014, my 30 year marriage came to an end via text message.  After years of feeling invisible, powerless, voiceless and unloved, it seemed my efforts to make my husband love me amounted to nothing.   Two years on, after a cancer diagnosis pushed me into some deep soul-searching,  I discovered it wasn’t so much that my husband didn’t love me,  rather, he was reflecting back to me the lack of love I already had for myself.    You see, in all of life, everything we experience, and the way we experience it, is a reflection of our inner most thoughts at even the most subconscious level. Thoughts are powerful like that.  I have never held strong values about anything, therefore my boundaries were flimsy.  And without a good dose of self-respect, self-love, of course I attracted a partner who showed me every part of my wounded self.   In fact, Read More