I like to tout the expression “Let go, Let God”. But as with all things, I often question if I’m actually living what I preach. And rightly so. To find out, I headed off to India for a month, declaring it my My Eat Pray Love year. Well, OK, so it was only a month, and I was on a guided tour. But learning and insight can take place anywhere at anytime. I had already spent a good many years wandering the globe on solo journeys, so I can tell you it makes no difference. But I digress.
The point is, after 30 years of marriage and co-dependent living, I was incredibly fearful about stepping out into the world on my own. This journey was about taking a risk on myself, on my life. It was about practicing trust in the universe to guide me, and simply letting go. Letting go of the need to control everything. Letting go of the need to know what lay ahead. If you’ve read my other blogs, you’ll recognise my penchant for wanting life to fit my expectations. Clearly a mistake.
And because I’m moving into that space of being with being, I’m also getting clearer about who I am and what I really want in my life, which is creating an ability to manifest in a powerful way. I’m attracting everything I ask for because I’m standing strong in my intentions…. AND…. in letting go of the need to control, I’m open to how my intentions will manifest. So, India was my big chance to put my convictions to the test.
For starters, I quit my position at the university, which brought up all my fears around future security, and belief that I had what it takes to support myself financially after my Eat Pray Love moment.
Once being the tour nazi for our family of 5 on many international holidays, I decided to go with a small tour company and trust that they had everything I needed. Note that I said needed. Not wanted. Which by definition means trusting that whatever came my was serving my highest good. I didn’t get hung up on pre-conceived expectations regarding the experiences I would encounter. Not surprisingly, when you ‘go with flow’, life just feels easier (dah!). Continuing along this path upon my return from India, I noticed I’m breathing more fully and deeply. I’ve got more energy, yet I’m calmer. That’s because control is fear based. What an energy zapper!
Without pre-conceived expectations, every person I met, every place I visited, all had something new and exciting to offer me. I was open to ‘receiving’. There was a girl on our tour who complained bitterly about everything not living up to her expectations and I felt sorry that she was missing out on so much joy. But I also recognised that she was a mirror of my own attitude in the past. This could well have been my experience if I had not made a conscious decision to ‘let go’. Mirrors are powerful like that.
While in India I also wanted to find a guru of sorts – someone to offer me words of wisdom that would turn on the lightbulb. Albeit I wasn’t exactly sure which part of my life needed the light switched on. The guru came unexpectedly, when I was walking through the market. A store owner called me in to his shop, claiming to only want “conversation madam. just conversation”. I had heard the rumors about their tricks to pull you in and sell you all sorts of wares so I was dubious, but went in just the same. It turned out he was a Sufi (an esoteric dimension of Islam) who had been practicing Reiki for 5 years.
Miraj held my hands, looked into my eyes, and told me that he saw the residue of past hurt which I still had to let go of. “Whatever happened in your past” he said, “you must also share the responsibility for its breakdown”. And finally he advised “Don’t be selfish with your heart now. Go and have fun with others, so that you are open and ready when your true soul partner comes “. Then he performed Reiki to move my energy forward. Wow. I tell you…… Manifesting. I told spirit what I wanted, and I trusted that they would provide. Most importantly I stayed open to how I received it. It was no coincidence that I came across Maraj (my Sufi friend) that day. Hearing that I had to share the responsibility for my marriage breakdown was huge.
I hadn’t been aware until that point just how much blame I was living in, and it was preventing me from moving forward with love. As soon as I met with my ex again in Australia, I knew I felt freer of past hurts. After accepting part responsibility for my marriage breakdown, the truth about me played out before me, much like a life review you would expect to see when you pass over into spirit realms. This meant I also had to forgive myself. Self first. Always self first.
India was amazing on so many levels. But you don’t have to go there to find your answers or learn to walk through life with trust. Stay home if you like. But do go and find yourself. Learn to trust that you will get what you need, when you need it, if you are clear about who you are and what you desire. And importantly, be open to receiving without expectations on how it will come. Learn simply being with being.
If you have a tight budget, and don’t want to travel alone, I highly recommend GAdventure.com.